Style Invitational Week 1124: We need your advice for daily life — in verse. Plus links for inks — the winning and losing comparisons from Week 1120 Don’t just seethe. Write Mr. Seat Space Hog a little poem. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post ) By Pat Myers May 14 (Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of Week 1120, humorous comparisons betweeen any two items on a list we supplied) */Don’t recline your seat;​ Remain upright and kind. ​ Then I won’t stab my feet Into your fat behind. / * Nobody will tiptoe through YOUR tulips if they’re protected by this foot-tall zombie garden gnome, sent to use from Britain: This week’s second prize. ( MediaPRUK.com / ) *— Don’t recline your airplane seat. * *— Close cover before striking. * *— Don’t chew with your mouth open. * *— Use your parking brake. * *— Stop to smell the flowers.* This week’s contest — one we’ve never really done before, but one I can promise you we’ll do again — was suggested by 35-time Loser Todd “the Lap” DeLap: *Give one of the above reminders in the form of a humorous poem of eight lines or fewer, *as in the example above by the famed airline behavior fulminator Gene Weingarten. All (printable) genres are welcome. Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial , the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins a cute little — actually, it’s little but it’s really /not/ cute — *Zombie Garden Gnome*, made of genuine “terror cotta.” It was sent by from Britain by its PR guy Kieran Elsby, who, in amazing serendipity, had sent out an e-mail press release to The Media that (a) had the subject line “Lawn of the Dead” and (b) avoided the spam filter of the Empress of The Style Invitational. *Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake: either “The Wit Hit the Fan” or “Hardly Har-Har.” First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com / or, if you were born in the 19th century, fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is May 25; results published June 14 (online June 11). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest. Include “Week 1124” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Tom Witte; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Stephen Dudzik. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday. / *The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And the results of the Style Invitational contest posted four weeks ago . . . *SOME LINKAGE MAY OCCUR: THE RESULTS OF WEEK 1120*: ** *In Week 1120,* we looked back at our hardy perennial “Same Difference” contest — to compare or contrast any two items from a list we supply — and put together a motley bouquet: *Each of the 17 items in this year’s list was taken from a different Invitational contest from 1996 to 2014. *While we hoped that meant all new answers this time around, several Losers made the same “compare thee to a Summer’s Eve” joke for “an Elizabethan sonnet” as the one that got ink in 2010. Brand-new this time around but sent by too many people: Gandhi and the Skins’ offensive line are both famed for nonviolent confrontation. 4th place: /Mohandas K. Gandhi vs. Ruth Bader Ginsburg doing the macarena:/ One’s a Mahatma and one’s a Hot Mama. (Jack McBroom, Fort Valley, Va.; John Conti, Norfolk, Mass.) 3rd place: /“American Gothic” vs. the Redskins’ offensive line: /In the painting, you’ll just see two sad sacks. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel, Md.) 2nd place and the full-size photo cutout of President Obama: /Yemen and an overactive bladder:/ The first: Middle Eastern crisis. The second: You’re a peein’ emergency. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial: ** /A $4 haircut and the Redskins’ offensive line:/ With one, three snips and you’re out; with the other, three snaps and they’re out. (Jaclyn Yamada, New York, a First Offender) LinkedInanity: honorable mentions /A $4 haircut and a tattoo of Joe Biden:/ You hope the haircut isn’t just a cheap ripoff — and pray the tattoo is. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.) /The 400-meter dash and a Biden tattoo:/ One lasts two furlongs; the other lasts for too long. (Greg Johnson, Victoria, B.C.) /A Biden tattoo and a three-cupped bra:/ They both represent one boob too many. (Brian Allgar, Paris) /Ruth Bader Ginsburg doing the macarena: /Justice imprudent; /a Biden tattoo:/ just as imprudent. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) /A $4 haircut and a three-cupped bra:/ They’re consecutive verses in “The Twelve Days of Deep Discount Christmas.” (Mary Kappus, Washington) /A $4 haircut and a three-cupped bra: /Both are unlikely to be on fashion critic Robin Givhan as a Lilly Pulitzer dress from Target . (Roy Ashley, Washington) /A three-cupped bra and pizza-scented shampoo:/ Both are regular line items in the “Jersey Shore” production budget. (Steve Honley, Washington) The 400-yard dash and an overactive bladder: With only one of these, there’s an award for finishing Number 1. (Wendy O. Sparks, Rockville, Md.) /The 400-yard dash and Gandhi:/ One’s over fast; the other overfasted. (Kevin Dopart, Washington) /The 400-yard dash and an overactive bladder:/ The first is a Sprint; the other requires Pee-Mobile. (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.) /Yemen is like the 400-yard dash:/ At the sound of a gun, you’d better run. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.) /A pile of socks and that “not-so-fresh” feeling: /Both can be found in the bottom of your drawers. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.) /Yemen vs. that not-so-fresh feeling:/ One means trouble in the Middle East; the other, trouble with the middle’s yeast. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.; Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.) /Yemen vs. that not-so-fresh feeling:/ One is in the Middle East; the other is in the middle south. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) /Gandhi and a $4 haircut:/ Both might make you call out: “Ma! Hat! Ma!” (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.) /Gandhi and a $4 haircut:/ Only the second would involve a cowlick. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) /With an overactive bladder,/ you need to pee urgently; /with a $4 haircut,/ you need a toupee urgently. (Brendan Beary) /An elderly Labrador retriever and the Redskins’ offensive line:/ No matter how determined, they both tend to fall short of that critical yard. (Lawrence McGuire) /The Redskins’ offensive line and an elderly Labrador:/ More than a few blocks are a struggle for both of them. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.) /Dilbert’s necktie and the Redskins’ offensive line:/ Only the guy behind the necktie has reliable pocket protection. (Kevin Dopart) /Gandhi and the Redskins’ offensive line:/ Both are famous for giving away possessions. (Elden Carnahan) /The Redskins’ line and an overactive bladder:/ With both, you end up with problems in the end zone. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) /The Redskins’ line and a $4 haircut:/ 16 quarters aren’t enough to make either look good. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.) /An overactive bladder and Justice Ginsburg doing the macarena:/ It’s embarrassing when they can’t contain themselves at work. (David Friedman, Arlington, Va.) // /A Biden tattoo and a Style Invitational Loser magnet:/ You might be willing to show your friends the tattoo. (Christopher Lamora, Los Angeles) /The 400-meter dash /is won by running madly, /a Loser magnet /by punning badly. (Kathleen DeBold, Burtonsville, Md.) /An overactive bladder and a Loser magnet:/ One results in frequent thoughts of toilets; the other, /from/ them. (Kevin Dopart) /An Elizabethan sonnet and a three-cupped bra:/ The more I see of Man, the more I feel That Eve was never fashioned from his chest, But vice versa, in this sort of deal: God first made Woman with an extra breast And knew that she was fair, but Eve said, “Nay! My crowded bosom is a needless strain.” God saw her point and threw one breast away, Forgetting it until He came again. Then Eve declared, “Each creature hath a mate But me, and, Deity, I’m getting bored!” So God replied, “You’re right; I shall create A Man from you,” and Eve cried, “Thank You, Lord!” Then God said: “He won’t be a work of art . . . Let’s see, where did I put that extra part?” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) *Still running — deadline Monday night, May 18: our ScrabbleGrams neologism contest. See bit.ly/invite1123. *